Sabrina Siani

If you're familiar with the innumerable sword & sorcery flicks Italian cinema churned out during the 1980s, chances are you've seen Sabrina Siani.  Either naked or in extremely skimpy outfits.  The beautiful, blonde starlet (real name: Sabrina Seggiani, but sometimes billed Sabrina Sellers) graced many a cut-price fantasy epic, typecast as an Amazonian princess or gutsy jungle girl.  Jess Franco wasn't a fan (calling her: "the stupidest person I've ever met"), but what does he know?  Siani may not have set the screen alight as a teen cannibal queen in Franco's dreadful Mondo Cannibale (1980), but at least she didn't direct it. 

Following a brief stint in sex comedies and Franco's calamitous gut-muncher, Siani soaked up the sun in Blue Lagoon rip-off Blue Island (1982) and played a feisty, female Tarzan in Umberto Lenzi's Incontro Nell'Ultimo Paradiso (1982), before making her mark as a sword-swinging maiden in Aristide Massaccesi's Ator the Fighting Eagle (1982).  Contrary to Franco's sentiments, Siani had a lot to offer: a winning athleticism, sex appeal, and a charismatic screen presence.  Whether slaying monsters, befriending bears (!), or smouldering seductively, she frequently upstaged bland beefcake, leading men like Peter McCoy (Pietro Torrisi) and Miles O'Keefe. 

DVD Review: Venus in Furs (1970)

"A woman nude in furs is somehow more erotic...inducing pleasure so great it becomes painful."  Quite.  Not to be confused with the Jess Franco movie lensed the same year, Venus in Furs is a more faithful adaptation of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch's infamous novel.  It benefits from the seductive presence of the awesome Laura Antonelli, a sexploitation starlet who went on to a respectable art-house career.  Severin (Regis Valee), an obsessive voyeur, craves to be whipped and humiliated following a childhood trauma.  He spies on his beautiful neighbour Wander (Antonelli) masturbating nude in furs and discovers she's happily aware of being watched.  What follows is a twisted love story between voyeur and provocative exhibitionist.  After marriage, Severin moulds Wanda into the perfect vessel for his fantasies, goading her into sex with strangers while he watches.  Happy at first, Wanda comes to resent his games and rebels.  Reborn as an unstoppable love monster she beds a succession of mustachioed hunks and drives Severin away.  The peculiar conclusion has Severin discover his wife's identical double: a gum-chewing prostitute more compliant to his desires.  As music swells, she whips him silly - a happy ending, of sorts...

Cinematographer-turned director Massimo Dallamano is best known for his excellent, "schoolgirls in peril" gialli (including What Have You Done to Solange?  (1971)).  His languid camera glides across Antonelli's silky flesh, fetishising every inch of her body, yet somehow avoids outright misogyny.  The dreamy, romantic tone softens the sleazy subject matter, coming across like a skin flick antidote to Love Story (1970). 

DVD Review: Starcrash (1978)

Beautiful Caroline Munro as space-bikini babe, Stella Star!  Gold-clad Christopher Plummer using mystical powers to "halt the flow of time"!  Kung fu fighting Amazons, acrobatic Troglodytes, and lightsaber battles with stop-motion robots!  The Hoff firing frickin' laser beams from his eyes!  Is Starcrash the greatest movie ever made?  Probably not, but it's awfully good fun.  Second best of the late seventies Star Wars rip-offs, behind Kinji Fukasaku's mind-blowing Message from Space (1978). 

Italian writer-director and sci-fi buff Luigi Cozzi weaves a wild yarn full of in-jokes and genre references.  The magnificent super-spaceship "Murray Leinster" (named after the s-f writer/magazine editor) goes missing and is sought by the Emperor of the Stars (Christopher Plummer) and his cape-swishing arch-enemy, Count Zarth Arn (erstwhile Maniac (1980) Joe Spinell).  Fleeing the Galactic Police, interstellar rogue Stella Star and her bubble-permed, mystical sidekick Akton (faith healer-turned-trash film star (yes, really) Marjoe Gortner) stumble on some survivors who babble about "red monsters."

DVD Review: Sleeping Dogs (2006)

Comedians don’t generally translate well into script-writing, especially when it comes to film. Not nowadays, anyway. Britain’s seen enough of its finest comic talents who trod the boards on Saturday Live or The Secret Policeman’s Ball go on to make crappy big-screen adaptations of their best-loved characters (Kevin And Perry Go Large, Ali G Indahouse) to reinforce the point. Trouble is, most characters are a one-note joke – you can’t do a lot with a character that’s so ubiquitous thanks to a catchphrase or an action. Borat only really succeeded because he was a “sleeper” character, and as such was able to get away with a lot more than Ali G, for example, couldn’t. We knew what Ali G would say, but not Sacha Baron Cohen’s other creation.
   
Even in America, comedians tend to shy away from writing their own film scripts because they’re either too outrageous or they prefer the safety of television, where they only have to fill half an hour and they call the shots. Jerry Seinfeld, for example, will never make a Seinfeld film. There won’t ever be a Cheers or Frasier movie. Dave Chappelle, who was so successful with Dave Chappelle’s Block Party, only went with a ‘concert film’.

DVD Review: The Night of the Sorcerers (1973)

Voodoo! Zombies! Vampirism! Leopard Women! Amando de Ossorio’s Spanish horror film The Night of the Sorcerers (a.k.a. La Noche de los brujos, 1973) has all of this and more, but even with all those terrific elements the movie failed to keep me entertained.

The film revolves around a group of naive jungle explorers who find themselves camping near a sacrificial alter used by a group of mysterious “sorcerers.” These voodoo practicing natives enjoy capturing women and torturing them before cutting off their heads and drinking their blood. Afterward the women return from the dead as leopard skin clad she-demons who roam the jungle in slow-motion trying to find more unwilling victims for the ghostly sorcerers.

The movies basic premise is interesting, but it never really comes together. It often feels like Amando de Ossorio can’t decide if he wants to make a kinky sexploitation film or a horror movie. The film suffers from its uneven direction that never fully exploits the films basic horror elements or erotic themes. The special effects are occasionally worthwhile, but they’re often hampered by the films low-budget and half of the films great international cast seems to be sleepwalking through the film.

DVD Review: Go, Go Second Time Virgin (1969)

Japanese director Koji Wakamatsu’s experimental film Go, Go Second Time Virgin (1969) is not easy viewing. He mixes  an avant-garde sensibility with horrific and sexual themes that will make many viewers extremely uneasy, but this great looking film has a lot to offer more adventurous audiences.

Koji Wakamatsu had no formal training before he started making films in Japan in the early sixties. He worked for the Japanese film studios for a brief period and then decided to team up with fellow Japanese artists such as writer Masao Adachi and put his filmmaking skills to use in “pink films” which were often independent productions featuring nudity and sexual themes. But that’s really a limited explanation of this complicated Japanese film genre. Western critics often assume Japanese pink films are simply pornographic in nature when in fact they’re often unclassifiable films with an avant-garde style dependent more on eroticism and adult ideas than typical western pornography. Japanese filmmakers frequently use pink films to explore subversive concepts about the nature of sex, death and violence. Pink films also use explicit sexual content to express political and social concerns, which will undoubtedly shock and surprise first time viewers.

DVD Review: The Nightcomers (1971)

Henry James’ classic horror tale The Turn of the Screw has been adapted for the screen many times. Most film adaptations follow a somewhat similar formula and use the basic story found in the book as their focus. In my opinion the best of these adaptations is Jack Clayton’s The Innocents (1961) which remains one of the most disturbing horror films I’ve ever seen some 45 years after it was made.

Michael Winner’s The Nightcomers (1971) takes a very different approach to Henry James’ original material. The film is a sort of prequel to The Turn of the Screw and it attempts to explain the events that lead up to the mysterious deaths of Miss Jessel and Peter Quint.

The Nightcomers begins with the new Master of Blye House (Harry Andrews) in Cambridgeshire getting custody of the recently orphaned children Miles (Christopher Ellis) and Flora (Verna Harvey). The Master has no interest in caring for the two children and he neglects to tell them of their parents’ sudden death. He hires an attractive young governess named Miss Jessel (Stephanie Beacham) to care for them before he leaves for London and without much supervision the children become deeply drawn to the mischievous groundskeeper Peter Quint (Marlon Brando). Together Quint and Miss Jessel unknowingly become surrogate parents to the neglected children.

DVD Review: The Rites of Frankenstein (1972)

My fondness for Jess Franco definitely clouds any objective opinion I can have of his work, but I think The Rites of Frankenstein (a.k.a. Les Expériences érotiques de Frankenstein, 1972) is one of his most surreal and interesting efforts. Unfortunately the movie doesn't really live up to what it could have been if the director had access to a bigger budget and a more enthusiastic cast, but it's still a must see for Franco fans.

The cast is good, but they just don’t seem very invested in the film. Horror film veteran Dennis Price delivers a rather uninspired performance as Dr. Frankenstein and Franco himself also appears for a brief moment as Frankenstein's assistant Morpho. Frankenstein's daughter is played by Euro scream queen Britt Nichols, but she's rather forgettable here.

Thankfully Franco favorite Howard Vernon shows up in one of his better roles in The Rites of Frankenstein as the hypnotist Cagliostro, who kidnaps Frankenstein's monster for his own diabolical plans. The erotic film actress Anne Libert also appears in one of her better roles as a blind and sadistic flesh eating “bird woman” called Melissa who's being controlled by the malevolent Cagliostro. Howard Vernon and Anne Libert keep the film entertaining and they seem to be enjoying their roles as Cagliostro and Melissa.

DVD Review: Je t’aime moi non plus (1976)

Right, hands up who thinks Serge Gainsbourg was a dirty old man? It’s fair to say that we in England only know Gainsbourg as the French chansonnier that bought us the ‘love’ song ‘Je t’aime,’ which shares its title with this movie. The lyrics of that were of a couple having sex to orgasm, one line memorably translating as “I come and go between your kidneys.” Other than that, old Serge, who had a face like he was constantly being pressed up against plate-glass, famously told an interviewer what he’d most like to do to Whitney Houston while live on air.   

One thing Gainsbourg could never be accused of is pussy-footing around the issue. If he had something to say, well, you either liked it or you didn’t. His concept-album of Nazi themed songs, Rock around the Bunker, was meant to be funny. Most didn’t see it that way, which was a shame for Serge, who was actually persecuted for being a Jew during his childhood years.

DVD Review: Jess Franco Collection Volume 2 (1975 – 1994)

Remember that period between Steven Spielberg directing AI: Artificial Intelligence and Munich when the film fraternity thought he’d become a workaholic? “Wow, six films in four years,” they said in the press. “They don’t even involve a subtext about a family breaking up.” 

They probably didn’t, actually, but if you are surprised that in the world of the Hollywood blockbuster a director/producer can knock out films at speed, then can I turn your attention to Jess Franco? Since beginning his career writing music for films at the improbable age of six (when most of us had the musical talent to scrape a stick down the side of a wooden fish or bang blocks together), the Spanish director has clocked up over 180 directing and writing credits, and he doesn’t look like stopping in his dotage.

Born in Madrid in 1930, Jesus Franco was a jack of all trades, training to be a lawyer and then trying his hand at novels. After a few short films, he started directing properly in 1959, although the man who penned and directed both Swedish Nympho Slaves and Two Female Spies with Flowered Panties isn’t short of critics. Directing horror, sex, and horror sex, Franco has been a notable straight and hardcore porn director. It’s fair to say anything goes in Franco-world.

DVD Review: Bigas Luna Collection (1990-94)

We all carry preconceptions. Just as Brits are thought of as reserved types who’d rather have a cuppa than a roll in the hay, we in this country (fuelled by fortnights on the Costa Brava and repeats of Duty Free) tend to think of the Spanish as lazy, ill-educated and obsessed with sex and siestas. When pressed, that’s the image most people get in their mind’s eye.

Bigas Luna, the Spanish director, tends to see things just that little bit differently. He sees his compatriots as passionate, imaginative, highly sexual and as vibrant a culture as any country assumes they have the monopoly on. Perhaps not as celebrated as fellow Spaniard Pedro Almodóvar, Luna still manages to make films that bristle with energy and ideas. They’re just a bit skewed in their execution.

One of his earlier efforts, The Ages of Lulú (1990), kicks off this collection. Lulú (Francesca Neri) is a fifteen year old girl who fancies her brother’s best mate, Pablo (Óscar Ladoire). That may be a common tale, but taking her home and introducing her to the wonders of shaving foam certainly isn’t, and before long Pablo and Lulú are at it like Duracell bunnies. Separated by time and the Atlantic, Lulú meets up with Pablo and their affair sparks again. They marry, and spend most of their time, spare or otherwise, testing the bed for durability.

DVD Review: Virgin Witch (1971)

This entertaining satanic sexploitation flick was released on Region-1 NTSC DVD as part of Image Entertainment's Redemption label late last year and if you're a fan of British horror films from the 1970s I think it's worth a look.

Virgin Witch features the cute British actresses and sisters, Ann Michelle and Vicki Michelle. The girls play sisters Christine & Betty in the film. When Christine (Ann Michelle) gets her big chance at modeling after applying to the Sybil Waite's Agency, the girls find themselves at an eerie old estate for a weekend photo shoot.

Sybil Waite (Patricia Haines) has lured Christine there for more than just modeling. Sybil's recruiting a virgin for induction into a witches' coven led by the owner of the estate, Gerald Amberly (Neil Hallett). Sybil has also become enamored with the pretty Christine and she makes a successful attempt to seduce her. Unfortunately for everyone involved Christine is not as innocent as she seems, and we soon discover that she has evil plans of her own.

DVD Review: Perversion Story (1969)

Perversion Story (Una sull'altra, 1969) is a stylish erotic thriller directed by the Italian filmmaker Lucio Fulci, who’s best known for his gory horror films such as Zombie 2 and The Beyond.

The film stars the handsome French actor Jean Sorel as Dr. George Dumurrier. George manages a financially troubled medical clinic along with his brother Henry (Alberto De Mendoza) and spends his free time wining & dining his mistress, a beautiful fashion photographer named Jane (Elsa Martinelli).

In the meantime, the good doctor’s wife Susan (Marisa Mell) is left home alone while suffering from a long illness. Susan’s health problems and George’s philandering have deeply effected their marriage, so when Susan suddenly dies due to complications from her illness, investigators begin to question George who stands to gain a huge fortune following her death.

The story takes an unexpected turn when George and his mistress Jane become obsessed with a beautiful exotic dancer named Monica (also played by Marisa Mell) who looks remarkably like George's deceased wife. Who is this mysterious woman and why does she begin to dominate George & Jane’s sexual fantasies?

DVD Review: Cool It, Carol! (1970)

Cool It, Carol! is a rather dark British sex comedy that was recently released on NTSC Region-1 DVD in the US by Image Entertainment. The movie is directed by the creative British exploitation filmmaker Pete Walker, who made lots of horror films and sex comedies in the late sixties and seventies, and it features the popular period actor Robin Askwith along with Janet Lynn.

Carol (Janet Lynn) is a pretty, but simple young girl who likes showing men her knickers and dreams about becoming a model. Joe (Robin Askwith) likes fantasizing about working for high-end car dealerships and driving expensive sport cars.

Joe & Carol decide to leave their small town and low-paying jobs behind them, and move to swinging London to pursue their dreams. Together they explore the city while looking for work, but they don’t have much luck. The young couple soon finds out that London is a tough place to survive in if you're jobless, so they naively turn to prostitution and performing in stag films for extra money.

The Los Angeles Grindhouse Festival 2007

On Sunday March 4th The Los Angeles Grindhouse Festival 2007 presented by Quentin Tarantino at the New Beverly Cinema got off to great start with a double-bill of the blaxploitation classic The Mack (1973) and the martial arts action flick The Chinese Mack (Da jiao long, 1974).

This eight week long event will present over fifty films and takes place March 4th - April 30th. Various theme nights are planned including the "Euro Sex Comedies Triple Feature," showcasing Sex with A Smile (aka 40 gradi all'ombra del lenzuolo, 1976), Sex on the Run (aka Casanova & Co., 1977) and The Oldest Profession (aka Le Plus vieux métier du monde, 1967) as well as the "All Blood Triple Feature," which will feature screenings of The Blood Spattered Bride (aka La Novia ensangrentada, 1972), Asylum of Blood (aka La Bestia uccide a sangue freddo, 1971) and Mary, Mary, Bloody Mary (1975) as well as many others.

Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! intro (1965)

I can take or leave Russ Meyer movies - in truth I can leave them all with the exception of Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls and Faster Pussycat! Kill Kill! - an everyday tale of three buxom strippers (don't worry - this is 1965, no nudity) who get their thrills from fast cars and violence by day.

It's got one of the best theme tunes of the 60s (later covered by The Cramps) and one of the most intense intros you're likely to see. Watch and enjoy.

DVD reviews: Stereo/Crimes of the Future (1969/1970)

Fans of clinical Canadian quirkmeister David Cronenberg should be chuffed to pieces to learn that two of his earliest movies - Stereo and Crimes of the Future - have been deemed worthy of a UK release by Reel23, a Dutch DVD company now releasing some highly welcome arthouse oddities over here.

The two films - which come on one disc - are weird, even by Cronenberg's standards. And he's a weird guy. Made while he was still a film student, the director tricked the Canadian government into giving him a grant by pretending he was actually writing a novel.

Money in hand, he set off with a bunch of like-minded friends and created these deliciously dark silent movies. Stereo is a stark and stilted journey into the Canadian Academy for Erotic Inquiry, and the theories of Luther Stringfellow - which basically involve shagging and telepathy. Crimes of the Future is even more fun, in which dodgy cosmetics - created by fiendish dermatologist Antoine Rouge - kill nearly all the women on the planet. There's also an evil corporation and child prostitution.

Soundtracked only by occasional droning voiceover, the effect is not unlike stumbling across some devilishly perverted public information film from an alternate dimension where the permissive society has run amok. Some may call it boring. They are fools. This is pure, undiluted Cronenberg, and it is hilarious.

Buy Stereo/Crimes of the Future at Amazon.co.uk